No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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