Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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