can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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