Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
