For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
