that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You dont lie about slip and slides
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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