its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
