Yo dont text me then not text me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize