yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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