Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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