Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
