"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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