the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
