You're my little dorito
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
