so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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