I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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