Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
