I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
