420 ftw
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
