I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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