Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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