Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
