i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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