i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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