Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
