New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
