They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
