So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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