I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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