its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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