What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
