your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
