So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize