and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
