It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize