i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
smell my finger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
