Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I would ride that face into the sunset
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
