Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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