Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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