dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize