so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
