I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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