Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
