There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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