he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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