Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
