note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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