I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
