You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
