Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He passed out mid-signature
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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