So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
