Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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