I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize