how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize