the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
