So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize