What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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