after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
