my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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