I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
try to milk me bitch
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
