Your mouth is God's brothel.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We are two peas in an std pod
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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