i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
