Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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